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Rating The Robots
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Published: December 12, 2008
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They walk! They talk! They refuse to open the pod bay doors! Here's our list of movie machine icons, rated using our own robotic icon, Crank.
With the new version of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" opening this weekend, it seemed a good time to look back at some of the best machines and robots Hollywood has offered. In many cases — like in the original "The Day The Earth Stood Still" from 1951 — the machine provides the iconic image everyone remembers (in this case, Gort descending from the spaceship).
Robots have always had a special place in pop culture, mostly because they allow writers to use them as metaphors for the relationship between God and man (with robots as man and men as "God") or as warning that man's inventions could rebel against their creator. Writers have used both metaphors in stories with computers, software programs, clones, cyborgs, androids, etc.
Among our earliest memories of the former metaphor is "Runaway Robot" (1965), the classic science fiction book for children by Lester Del Rey, in which a robot develops human feelings and must escape an indifferent creator (i.e., men) to find his place in the universe. Classic examples of the second metaphor are "The Matrix" movies and "The Terminator," both offering grim takes on what happens when creations decide to turn against men. Interestingly, Gort fits into neither category. He falls into a lesser-used concept, which has humans dependent on the very machines they built to keep irrational mankind in line.
Here's a list of some of the more famous movie machines, and our ratings for each, using our own robot, Crank, to rate them. Ratings are out of four Cranks. Needless to say, we recommend all of these movies. (Note to those who quibble with us for choosing a computer program — Agent Smith — and a computer — HAL — for our list of famous robots/machines, please turn off all the electronics, throw on a jacket and go do something outside. Thanks).
Agent Smith from "The Matrix" films (1999-2003) 
Yes, he's actually a computer program, but we'll give him robot status because he was designed by machines and has robot-like qualities. It's really a toss-up between this guy, The Terminator or the HAL computer as who is the most famous character to personify man's own creations getting out of control, but we'll go with Smith, mostly because actor Hugo Weaving gave the performance of a lifetime.
Quote: "Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet."
HAL 9000 from "2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968) 
It's the voice, provided by Douglas Rain, that you'll always remember. So comforting, so smooth and supportive — and it doesn't change a bit when HAL decides to rebel against his programming and commit murder. His final confrontation with Dave Bowman (Keir Dullea) is arguably the most memorable moment of a film full of memorable moments.
Quote: "Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over."
The Terminator from "The Terminator" (1984) 
This cyborg (machine covered with human flesh and skin), played by the future California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, is implacable and pitiless. Its mission: go back in time (to our time) and kill the mother of the man who will become leader of a human revolution against computers and machines.
Quote: "I'll be back."
The Iron Giant from "The Iron Giant" (1999) 
A 9-year-old boy befriends a mammoth, child-like robot from outer space who unfortunately becomes a deadly weapon when threatened. As a U.S. government agent chases the Iron Giant, the boy teaches the robot "you are what you choose." The Iron Giant chooses good over evil and in the end sacrifices himself to save his friend and the town he lives in. (Kim would like to note that she "bawled" at the end of this movie).
Quote: "I am not a gun."
Gort from "The Day The Earth Stood Still" (1951) 
When his boss, Klaatu, is shot by trigger-happy soldiers after their spaceship lands on Earth, Gort goes on a zapping spree until Klaatu stops him. Having demonstrated his power, it comes as no surprise to later learn he is part of a galactic, robotic police force that keeps wayward planets in line. And our planet is very wayward. As an aside, the look of Gort influenced the idea of what an alien robot might look like — sleek, gleaming metal — although it's odd that an alien robot would wear short shorts, isn't it?
Quote: Gort never speaks, so we quote Klaatu: "Join us and live in peace or pursue your present course and face obliteration."
Maria from "Metropolis" (1927) 
Any fan of film should watch this, a stunningly beautiful black-and-white film from director Fritz Lang about a future world in which people are divided into thinkers and workers. One of the central characters is Maria (Brigette Helm) and her robotic counterpart, built by city leaders to persuade workers to riot (after performing an erotic dance for the affluent of Metropolis). She follows his commands but then pays the ultimate price for obeying her creator.
Quote: "Who are the slaves of the machines?"
Gunslinger from "Westworld" (1973) 
Yul Brynner provides an icy cool performance as a robot programmed to entertain paying customers in Westworld, an amusement park. But then he does the "rebel against his creator" thing, deciding to make the pretend shootout between him and a patron (James Brolin) very real. If you watch the movie, and you should, check out the wicked smile on the Gunslinger's face after he shoots the man. This film was written and directed by the late, great Michael Crichton.
Quote: "Draw"
Wall-E from "Wall-E" (2008) 
In this children's movie that has proven enormously popular, a little robot is left to clean up the Earth, which has been abandoned by humans for 700 years because of environmental damage. But when he falls in love with Eve, a robot sent to Earth to see whether it's inhabitable, he disobeys his programming to follow her and, ultimately, help save the human race.
Quote: "Ta-dah!"
Robby from "Forbidden Planet" (1956) 
A sci-fi icon, this 7-foot robot cut quite the figure, with a large, glass dome head, rotating scanners, stubby arms with clamps and Michelin Man-type legs. His first appearance came in the classic "Forbidden Planet." Much like the "Star Wars" robots, Robby's a loyal servant without an edge to him. But he deserves credit for being one of the first Hollywood robots to exhibit a personality, which he put on display through the years on subsequent TV and movie appearances including "The Twilight Zone," "Hazel," "Columbo," "Mork & Mindy," "Gremlins," "Earth Girls are Easy" and "The Simpsons."
Quote: "Sorry, miss, I was giving myself an oil-job."
Sonny from "I, Robot" (2004) 
Sonny, an NS-5 robot, is the heart of this story by Isaac Asimov about the evolution of robots in 2035. He's also the most famous of the "robot as a metaphor for man" creations. Much like humans, he has rules to follow, in this case the Three Laws of Robotics: A robot may not injure a human being; a robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where it conflicts with the First Law; and a robot must protect its own existence as long as it doesn't conflict with the First or Second Law. But once he learns emotions, he breaks them.
Quote: "Do you think we were all created for a purpose? I'd like to think so."
C-3PO from "Star Wars" (1977) 
Darth "More machine than man, now" Vader might be complex, but C-3PO (the loyal efficient English butler) and his sidekick, R2-D2 (the loyal but spunky servant) are about as complex and edgy as an episode of "The Muppets." C-3PO actually says "Bless the Maker!" in Episode 4. He's the robotic version of a human who never questions authority or ponders existence.
Quote: "How rude!"
Johnny 5 from "Short Circuit" (1986) 
But I don't want to be a killing machine! In this famous film from the 1980s, Ally Sheedy stars as a young woman trying to help a robot avoid the military. Rebelling against his creator (a military contractor), Johnny 5 doesn't want to be the ultimate killing machine he's designed to be, mostly because a freak lightning strike has altered his personality, helping him develop self-awareness, a conscience and fear of death (being disassembled).
Quote: "Number 5 is alive."
Fembots from "Austin Powers" (1997) 
These bodacious killer robots are designed to lure their targets with their looks and then kill them with guns strategically placed in their bosoms. Powers is able to beat them at their own game doing a striptease, which causes the Fembots' heads to explode.
Quote: "Hello, Mr. Powers. Care to have a little fun?"
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